January 2012
1 post
1 tag
December 2011
3 posts
1 tag
On engineering versus science. →
November 2011
1 post
October 2011
4 posts
Rejected SSIDs for my wireless router
1. UnlawfulAmountsOfHorsePorn; password: ready2transfer 2. ?
It’s a work in progress.
The Stockdale Paradox →
I started unwittingly using this principle in my very early twenties when things started routinely taking turns for the worse. I still get shit for what appears to be my “focusing on the negative,” when I’m really only addressing the reality of a situation while simultaneously maintaining hope; I tend to get cut off before I get to the second part.
You wouldn’t believe the...
How to be classy in three easy steps:
browndemy:
Open this tab.
Open this tab.
Open this tab.
Reblogging this so I can have it FOREVER.
September 2011
7 posts
2 tags
WatchThis is bloody brilliant. I cannot begin to fathom how much detail this man (and most likely his team) have put into this. These are massively complex pattern generators made out of inanimate objects; if cognitive modelers don’t look at this guy with genuine awe, they’re completely missing the point.
2 tags
These are probably the Worst Games Ever Made,... →
A gem:
“Beautiful Witches”
I can’t even get myself to describe them; some part of my brain immediately rejects the task, flagging it as “detrimental to basic life functions.”
1 tag
1 tag
Morbid curiosity
When the campus president sends a letter offering condolences for the passing of faculty or students, I always scan it for the cause of death. When I invariably don’t find it, I immediately disregard the email.
I am a human and I am awful.
2 tags
1 tag
3 tags
About this Tumblr Blackout thing...
Totally not happening. Too many spoiled consumers claiming the developers of their blog are evil for making gradual changes to the software. You’ve been using the askbox in a way they didn’t expect and they’re changing things to accommodate you. Hold your breath another month.
Also, how very dare you compare your ridiculous plight to that of the fucking French Revolution. Does...
August 2011
2 posts
1 tag
George Guidall, reader of books, destroyer of...
George Guidall’s narration ruined American Gods for me. The guy has one tone of voice for each character, irrespective of the situation. Often times they were terrible caricatures of foreign accents, and equally as often completely mismatched the character as read from the text. Worse yet, every single female character was precisely the same voice, which sounded something like “this is...
July 2011
1 post
2 tags
June 2011
4 posts
3 tags
Sigh...
Dear GPS thief,
I don’t know, maybe you thought my letter to the iPod guy was a challenge? It wasn’t. You might even BE the iPod guy. Despite your impeccable comedic timing, I am still downtrodden at your actions.
I know I messed up. I know I forgot to lock my doors after carrying in an armload of groceries. I know that. I know it was just sitting there, beckoning you. But you, sir...
2 tags
With love!
Dear iPod thief,
Thanks for just opening my (admittedly) unlocked car door rather than smashing the windows.
Because you took the iPod and iTrip, but not my GPS, I am assuming that this isn’t strictly about the money and that you really just wanted it so you could listen to my phat jams. I’m flattered at the interest you’re taking in my musical tastes!
While I’m going...
“I’M NOT AN ANNOYING PERSON!”
– as screeched by a girl on my street at the top of her lungs.
3 tags
Streets of Ann Arbor
Bum: "Hey man, Rock and roll!" thumbs up.
Me: "Rock and roll, man!" thumbs up in kind.
Bum: "Rock and roll!" excitedly.
Me: "Rock and roll" amicably.
Bum: "Look, I ain't tryin' to play you man." carefully.
Me: "Alright?" expectantly.
Bum: "I'm an alcoholic." flatly.
Me: "Ah, I see." sagely, "well, you're honest. Did you want some money?" searching pockets.
Bum: "If you could just buy me a drink." woozily.
Me: "Ah, I don't have any cash!" earnestly.
Bum: "You don't want to spend your money on ME, I understand. But, if you could just buy me a drink..."
Me: "I'm sorry, man, I just can't tonight." apologetically.
Bum: "I ain't tryin' to play you man." again.
Me: "I know, man! I just can't. I appreciate your honesty, though!" extending a hand.
Bum: "Alright, man. Take care. Rock and roll!" shaking it.
Me: "Rock and roll!" Firmly shaking back.
His knuckles popped. It was weird. Rock and Roll. Rock and Roll!
May 2011
5 posts
1 tag
Round TWO.
Me to OK Go:
Dearest OK Go,
My heart...
1 tag
Me to OK Go’s contact email:
Subject: I am...
“1) “I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not...”
– 1, Jessica Dovey 2, Martin Luther King Jr (via cyparissus)
[edited for accuracy]
1 tag
2 tags
Overusing a meaningless meme
The cake is most certainly not a lie. Look, internet. The end of the original game depicts the cake. It is sitting there in the core-storage room. She has an entire AI core dedicated to cake-baking recipes, remember? When you threw it into the fire? She bakes cakes, of this we can be sure. Whether they are for you? Hard to say, since she tried to incinerate you. The Rat Man who scrawled the meme...
April 2011
4 posts
1 tag
1 tag
Half of them start this way
(conversation begins)
Robert: look at me I'm kenny
Robert: herp depr
Robert: durr hhurrrr
Me: Quit it you drunk.
Robert: drink it, you quitter
2 tags
4 tags
PhD, Year 1 in review
This is the abstract of the talk I’m giving to my department this wednesday:
Title: Information Processing in the Brain: Modules and Methodologies
Abstract: A primary goal of modeling cognition is to get a complete picture, both behavioral and neurological, of human performance of cognitive tasks. The current line of research seeks to investigate both the where and the when of this...
March 2011
3 posts
2 tags
No tengo Español elegante...
Wrong texter: Hola ¿Como estas? No mas tengo el 9729 ahora es eso.
Me: Ehhh, no conosco un numero de 9729. Quien es eso?
Wrong texter: 9729###
Me: No es en mi libro de numeros...
Wrong texter: Disculpe aquibok
2 tags
Self-detachment
Yesterday I was sitting in my advisor’s office, waiting for him to arrive for a meeting. As I sat looking at my hands, it was suddenly unclear to me whether they were my own. They looked like mine. They felt like mine. I recognized them as being the hands I’m so used to using each day, and yet I wasn’t entirely convinced. Intellectually I knew, of course, these are my hands. But...
4 tags
I don't think they're actually hearing each other
Mark: I really should stop just yelling at you when I get online.
Mark: this... can't be healthy.
me: It's like a candy bar
me: delicious but not healthy.
Mark: I mean.
Mark: I mean.
Mark: I am just full of so much hate.
Mark: I punch people.
Mark: Right in their dumb faces.
Mark: and it only makes me more angry.
me: I put the vanilla wafers in a bowl
me: and then I poured American Honey on them
me: and then Captain Morgan
me: and then half and half
Mark: Part of me thinks that you show these to your teachers...
me: I did it wrong it is mostly liquor.
Mark: And like.
Mark: And like.
Mark: Get extra credit somehow.
me: Are you listening to me I am full of liquor.
3 tags
Sciencing!
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like this. I’m a bit giddy. After six months of wispy half-commitments and almost-readies and debugging my own half-retarded LISP programming and nitpicking my designs, I pulled the trigger and now I’ve got a participant to run tomorrow at 10. Seven more the rest of the week. My experiment has gone live.
I’ve launched experiments...
February 2011
6 posts
3 tags
Rum makes reading academic papers at least four...
The trick is to drink just enough so that you start out buzzed and then gradually slip into sober productivity. Your brain will never stop being absolutely enthralled with whatever you’re making it do.
This is, of course, assuming you don’t just fuck right off onto facebook or tumblr or something.
2 tags
On modern love (gets me to the church on time)
A bit of autobiographical prose from last year. I kind of like this one, so I thought I’d pluck it out and share.
“She seems a little… rough for you.” She was referring to my wandering crush. “You need someone more stable, ambitious!” Of course, she was trying to describe herself, though I’ll submit that we all tend to do that. I don’t believe...
3 tags
A bit of cereal at midnight
Bluh. What a bad habit!
I’ve been Skyping lately. It really does dull the distance. The clarity of the audio coupled with the video is a clever trick to play on the brain. At this moment I can’t very well distinguish between the evening I just had playing PS3 online with my friend back in Michigan from the nights we sat doing the same thing in my den.
That’s all I really play...
1 tag
1 tag
Hatred and whiskey for dinner
In the interest of maintaining a healthy amount of both whining and levity, I’m going to counterbalance the following proceedings by replacing all of the expletives. If you find them all, I owe you something awesome.
I started the evening behind schedule. We needed to get this second pilot session for my experiment done tonight. My cohort and I entered the lab and set to work with the...
January 2011
8 posts
IN BED!
Appending “in bed” to fortune cookie fortunes makes them much better:
You find beauty in ordinary things. Do not lose this ability [in bed!]. You are a person with a strong sense of duty [in bed!]. Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded [in bed!]. Your skill will accomplish what the force of many cannot [in bed!].
Appending “in bed” to a medical diagnosis...
What sticks in our minds
An excerpt from a comedy column in a defunct old gaming magazine that has long since gone out of print:
”[…] I woke up in the Target automotive section with a hubcap clenched tightly in my teeth. When the clerk asked if I wanted to eat the hubcap here or take it home, I replied ‘BLAYZDAFFUN!’ and ate it there. […]”
It’s been stuck in some crease of my...
“But it’s not about items, is it? You don’t honestly care if your new...”
– Yahtzee Croshaw on the countless hours wasted on MMOs
Holy shit.
Have you ever dreamed you were being chased by a bear?
Holy shit.
Liquor makes Tin Man watchable.
Edit: Oh, fucking hell. I take it back. I’ve rolled my eyes at least a hundred and fifty times throughout this thing. It is DULL. DO NOT RECOMMEND.
Visitation
Home! Home. My life in the midwest. Less concrete, more trees. The whole winter is dimly illuminated by distant street light trapped between the clouds and the snow. From fist bumps to hugs to truly dramatic running leaps into my arms, I have been well-received by old friends. My family is as they ever were, and that is a comfort. I have Christmas’d, giving gifts I hoped thoughtful. I have...
December 2010
10 posts
Word selection case study
(in line at Radio Shack)
Brother: Man, how did you drink your smoothie so fast?
Me: I dunno. I must've--
(clerk returns with requested merchandise)
Me: --run out of blood.
(I start to pay.)
Me: ... Wait. What did I just say to you?
Brother: I don't know!
(How the hell did I pick those words? They had nothing to do with my conversation with either my brother or the clerk. I blame ALL LINGUISTS.)