Dear iPod thief,

Thanks for just opening my (admittedly) unlocked car door rather than smashing the windows. 

Because you took the iPod and iTrip, but not my GPS, I am assuming that this isn’t strictly about the money and that you really just wanted it so you could listen to my phat jams. I’m flattered at the interest you’re taking in my musical tastes! 

While I’m going to miss the iPod, I can rest easy knowing it’s providing joy to someone obviously less fortunate than myself, you shit-eating miscreant.

Eat a bag of dicks!
-JKL