Dear GPS thief,

I don’t know, maybe you thought my letter to the iPod guy was a challenge? It wasn’t. You might even BE the iPod guy. Despite your impeccable comedic timing, I am still downtrodden at your actions. 

I know I messed up. I know I forgot to lock my doors after carrying in an armload of groceries. I know that. I know it was just sitting there, beckoning you. But you, sir or madam, need to work on your impulse control. Perhaps you do this for a living, and are therefore very professional about it. But honestly, what are you going to do with that GPS? The thing tried to kill me on multiple occasions, and I was its legitimate owner. Just consider yourself warned. 

-JKL